Survival Kit

Making dough

We at HoMu understand that dough is the one and only thing that will safe you when in need. But we're also aware that the dream of making lots of dough can easily turn into a nightmare. To educate ourselves on the limits of how much dough one ought to make so as to not turn crazy, we have created a special device, the Homeless Simulator. We have argued for a long time that revealing our secret on how to make dough up to 24 hours a day may not really be in our best interest, but decided nonetheless to fully disclose our system here so you may re-create it for your own purpose. But remember: The more dough you make, the messier it gets.

Ingredients:

Place the stand mixer in a secluded place where you can make dough for as long as you wish without being disturbed, like a powder room or small pantry. Fill the pennies into the stand mixer's bowl and begin turning it out by turning the switch to one. For beginners, a slow churning motion is recommended.

Note:

It seems fitting to add one word about panhandling at this point. To be honest, I have never understood why there is such a big argument going on about it. The only way to handle a pan is with great care: Hold the pan's handle firmly, but without gripping. Wear oven mitts if necessary, never overheat the pan, avoid scratching its surface with metal utensils and wash it diligently with a mild detergent immediately after use. Wipe it dry with a soft tissue towel and store it between double layers of paper towels. Handled this way, it will last you for a lifetime.